Hello friends! May peace and blessings be headed your way. The house is a bit hectic this week as it's that time of year again. That time where I have to scurry 'round Dubai buying unique things one wouldn't fine back home. That time where I have to write down the names of everyone I know and then ask myself: will I actually see them this time, do I have a gift for them, will they actually like my gift or put a fake smile on their face and say "thanks" while thinking about what's the fastest way they can get rid of it? Yes, it's that time to go back "home" for a visit. Where is home anyway? Is it my rented house, my in-laws house, my friends house, possibly a hotel? I suppose home is where I can feel comfortable and easily access every child's personal belongings with out actually creating a Mount Everest of STUFF.
Well, at least that is what I like to convince myself. Going back home raises a lot of mixed feelings for me. The last trip was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, but THANK GOD, I got myself out of that yucky feeling pretty quickly. I had to! I don't want my kids sensing that negativity and adopting it as their own feelings. I must accept the "unacceptable". For every individual the "unacceptable" is different, but the main theme is being able to accept what God has given or tested us with.
The last time I went back to LA I had this eery feeling. You know, like the typical scenario in a movie/show where the main character "dies" and then watches the world move on without them, like they never existed. Then magically the character comes back only to find that they were really missed. That's kind of how I felt. I felt like life moved on with out me, and when I came back I was missed, but not enough to sacrifice a daily schedule, or a confirmed guest list for a party or whatever, to be seen. The reality was that people had lives that, well, revolved around themselves, their schedules and routines. It's difficult to make time for others who are not in your immediate inner circle. That feeling was hard to swallow when I went back home last summer. The feeling that those you love and thought love you don't have time for you.
That is my "unacceptable" test from God. Not being invited to a weeding, or birthday or for iftar (it was the end of Ramadan at that time). Then I realized I am totally being an unappreciativeservant of God BRAT.
While last summer may have not been the best trip of my life, and living day-in and day-out with people who don't appreciate me, was anything but heartwarming, my kids were happy. I got to see a few friends who did care. I got to be in Cali and shop at Michaels and go to the thrift store, drive with out getting lost for 30 minutes. There were a lot of great things about this trip that I let get clouded by the hurt.
WE ALWAYS DO THAT! Human beings tend to let the negative dominate the positive. Ultimately what I learned from this lesson is that people will never be there for me if I expect them too. Only God will be there for me and by His mercy and love He will send me those who He see's as the most fit and positive people who should be in my life.
Well, at least that is what I like to convince myself. Going back home raises a lot of mixed feelings for me. The last trip was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, but THANK GOD, I got myself out of that yucky feeling pretty quickly. I had to! I don't want my kids sensing that negativity and adopting it as their own feelings. I must accept the "unacceptable". For every individual the "unacceptable" is different, but the main theme is being able to accept what God has given or tested us with.
The last time I went back to LA I had this eery feeling. You know, like the typical scenario in a movie/show where the main character "dies" and then watches the world move on without them, like they never existed. Then magically the character comes back only to find that they were really missed. That's kind of how I felt. I felt like life moved on with out me, and when I came back I was missed, but not enough to sacrifice a daily schedule, or a confirmed guest list for a party or whatever, to be seen. The reality was that people had lives that, well, revolved around themselves, their schedules and routines. It's difficult to make time for others who are not in your immediate inner circle. That feeling was hard to swallow when I went back home last summer. The feeling that those you love and thought love you don't have time for you.
That is my "unacceptable" test from God. Not being invited to a weeding, or birthday or for iftar (it was the end of Ramadan at that time). Then I realized I am totally being an unappreciative
While last summer may have not been the best trip of my life, and living day-in and day-out with people who don't appreciate me, was anything but heartwarming, my kids were happy. I got to see a few friends who did care. I got to be in Cali and shop at Michaels and go to the thrift store, drive with out getting lost for 30 minutes. There were a lot of great things about this trip that I let get clouded by the hurt.
WE ALWAYS DO THAT! Human beings tend to let the negative dominate the positive. Ultimately what I learned from this lesson is that people will never be there for me if I expect them too. Only God will be there for me and by His mercy and love He will send me those who He see's as the most fit and positive people who should be in my life.
FAST FORWARD ONE WEEK
I am currently at the airport trying to hurry-up and finish this post lol. As I was saying, regardless of all that happened and how I felt last summer, I found my happiness. No matter what the situation was/is I have finally convinced my heart to accept the test God has given me- no matter how un-welcomed I feel from those closest to me. I may not have thousands of friends who love every nook n' cranny about me, but I have few really amazing friends, a great family and most importantly, God loves me and that's all that matters. What more do I need? Nothing really. I, like all humans, like to complain. Anything extra is gravy, but not needed! So, on this blessed Friday I ask God for forgiveness, thank Him for showing me the light and SUPER excited to head back home!!! Happy Friday and see (some of you ;o) on the other side!
-Debora
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